Read this and you will survive

It has come to my attention that we live in 2012. And I am not kidding, 2012! This is probably the most infamous year of all time! Why? Oh, maybe just because it is the end of the f**king world! Well I read about this phenomenon and there is actually quite a lot of theories! Some think that it is because of the mayan calender that is running out, some think that it because of solar powers, some think that Justin Bieber fans are going to extinct the entire population and some think that it is the good old fashioned zombie apocalypse!

If i had to choose, I would say that the zombie apocalypse is most likely to happen and if I say so, it will.

Now my dear friends, do not fear, panic or wet your pants because I am going to teach you how to survive a vicious zombie attack! Here we go.

Step 1: Know a zombie

How a zombie looks

The first thing to do is know, what the heck is a zombie? A zombie is a living dead person who has resurected from the grave and now walks the earth looking for random sh*t to eat.

You can tell if it is a zombie by the blood stains, lazy ass walk and sunken-in-eyes. Just in case you do not know the difference between a human and a zombie heres a scale. If you see a person do some of these things they are probably not a zombie:

• Play basketball
• Ride a bike
• Read the news paper
• Not eating people

So now you are all set to survive!

Step 2: SHELTER!

Shelter is an essential thing if you want to survive a zombie attack! First of all do not hide in 

• Cars
• Trash cans
• In a tree

Those things will guarantee you to get killed, instead find an abandoned house! Houses will provide space, tv's no entrance for the zombies and MONAAAY.

Step 3: Weapons

Weapons are also crucial if you want to defend yourself! Weapons that will defenitly help you are:

• Scissors
• Knives
• Axes
• Bazookas

And weapons that I do NOT encourage you to use is

• Fax machines
• Deodorant
• VHS tapes
• Leafs

Make sure you have a weapon or else you will be dead by day 43 of apocalypse!

Step 4: Using them

When trying to kill a zombie always go for the head! They tend to fall off and at other times the zombie just tend to run off. So always go for the head! 

Step 5: basic survival tips

Always keep a bag of chips with you, a big manly zombie hunter can always do some chips! Another thing is  something to start fires with like lighters or matches. Do not use two pieces of wood that will only cause you trouble! Food on can is also a good idea and if you ever get hungry - Eat the zombies. Most people do not know about it, but zombies has a whole grillfried chicken inside them ready for you to eat, some even has potatoes and bread I heard, but I think that it is just a rumour...

Now with these steps you should be able to help you make the year 2013! See you next time!

This is you

Adios!